‘When no words are needed, let us be quiet and rest in you’

LOUISVILLE — During last week’s webinar called “Empowered Minds: Mental Health in a Chaotic World,” the Rev. La Tonja Ellis offered up strategies for coping with the chaos many clergy and others have felt for the past several months in the nation and in our communities.

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“Give yourself permission to be human in this presentation,” suggested Ellis, pastor of Grant A.M.E. Church in Chicago. Union Theological Seminary and the RISE Together mentorship network put on the webinar, attended by more than 40 people. “Right now some of us feel overwhelmed and broken,” Ellis said. “Give yourself permission to be who you are so you can understand yourself better and allow us to know who you are in this conversation.”

Ellis shared a number of tools webinar participants can use as coping strategies, including Dr. Gloria Willcox’s The Feeling Wheel. “Too many of us push our feelings down,” said Ellis, who asked those attending online to actively participate in the webinar by sharing their input throughout the hour in the chat feature. Asked to define chaos, participants wrote “no ability to control outcomes,” “disorder,” “lack of consistent processes,” “complete nonalignment” and other responses.

“Theologically, many of us feel like we’re in the wilderness,” Ellis said. “God will show up when God does,” but “most of us won’t ask for help in the midst of chaos.”

“Yet you’re called to minister to folks, to lead,” she noted, pointing out coping strategies including deep breathing and meditation, journaling, engaging in hobbies and physical activities and setting realistic goals and priorities.

Some participants mentioned their own coping strategies: reading detective fiction, painting rocks and working crossword puzzles.

It’s nice to have a few at the ready, Ellis said. Mental health challenges can come on as suddenly as a storm in the Windy City, she said.

“In Chicago, the weather changes on a dime,” Ellis said. “Your first thought is to seek shelter, get out of the rain and make sure you’re safe. When the storm comes out of nowhere, your mind goes 90 miles a minute. It’s the same with mental health challenges. Anything can throw you off your schedule.”

We could all use “a board of directors to give us insight,” she said, trusted friends and loved ones who will tell us the truth about ourselves. Ministers are among those who can benefit from establishing and enforcing strong boundaries. For Ellis, that means engaging the “do not disturb” function on her phone each night from 9 p.m. through 9 a.m., “so I can stop being all things to all people. I’m not the Apostle Paul,” Ellis said. “I need rest like everyone else, and I want to spend time with my family.”

“No one can take your boundaries from you,” Ellis said. “Be strong!”

Family members, friends and colleagues “can help you stay resilient,” Ellis said. She wears a locket containing a picture of “my favorite person,” a great aunt who died during Ellis’ freshman year in college. “Your community is your sounding board, the place where you can be authentically you,” she said. “The power of community is you’re not alone. Community can be medicine for you — your connection to the world and to other people’s hearts. It can be a healing place. Connection is therapy, and community is therapy. You may need professional help, and professional help may be community too.”

Faith and mental health “are not enemies to each other,” Ellis said. “We don’t talk enough about lamenting, crying and mourning, and withdrawing to places where we can take care of ourselves.”

“God created us with all the emotions we are feeling,” she said, crediting church with “keeping me grounded when I see society all over the place.”

At Grant A.M.E. Church, the ministerial team does breathwork together right before the start of worship. Fortunately, “you don’t have to tell your body to breathe,” Ellis said. “Breath work allows you to slow down. Some of us are not comfortable with silence, but silence can remind us of how miraculous our bodies are.”

Journaling can be a helpful practice because “you can say what you need to say without saying it to someone else. You can check on yourself physically, emotionally and spiritually.” One participant noted Dr. Frank Thomas’ take on the discipline: “I write to stay sane.” For Ellis, “I have to write whatever I want to remember.”

One of Ellis’ friends is in the habit of taking herself to do something once a month on the date she was born.

“With so much going on — so many people oppressed and violated — we like to help,” said the Rev. Brittini L. Palmer of RISE Together. “But we have to help ourselves as well.”

Ellis concurred with that.

“Protecting our own being allows us to continue on,” she said. “When we’re gone, someone else will do the work.”

Palmer prayed the online gathering to a close. “God, may your workers take care of themselves, find rest and renewal, resources and community and boundaries so that they can live and live more fully, so they can be present for the people you call them to serve.”

“When we need to rest, let us rest,” Palmer prayed. “When no words are needed, let us be quiet and rest in you.”