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A guide for helping children in traumatic times
Download this guide
Help young children talk about their scary feelings
The staff of the PBS children’s program, Fred Rogers’ Neighborhood,
offers some helpful insights about how young children respond to tragedies like
the shootings at Virginia Tech. They point out that despite what parents and
other adults may think, young children are often quite aware of a traumatic news
event such as this week's tragedy. The staff also suggests that young children
need permission to talk about their fears. Here are some helpful tips for adults
who care for young children:
- Determine what your child knows: If your young child
mentions the shootings, find out what he or she knows about it. A child's fantasies
are often very different from the actual truth.
- Listen carefully: Remember that a young child's thought
processes are quite different from your own. One little girl became increasingly
distraught as she asked her parent, "What will happen to me if you die?" The
parent repeatedly told the child that a relative in another state would take
good care of her, but this did not calm the child's fears. Finally the child
asked, "But who will take me to Grandma's house in Arkansas? The parent
was then able to assure the child that if her parents died and she was all alone
in the house, she could walk next door to a neighbor's and that neighbor would
call a church member to come and pick the child up.
- Respect a child's concerns: A young child's concerns
about being shot may seem farfetched to an adult. But taking such a concern seriously
can assure your child that he or she can talk about anything with you.
- Assure a child of adults' protection: Your child
needs to hear that you will do everything you can to keep her safe and to help
her grow. We can't promise that nothing bad will ever happen to a child, but
we can promise to do our best to be there for her.
- Find the helpers: When Fred Rogers was a boy and
would see scary things on the news, his mother would say to him, "Look for
the helpers. You will always find people who are helping."
For more helpful information about helping young children
deal with tragic events in the news, visit the PBS
kids Web site.
Help elementary children deal with frightening events
A recent study by the Kaiser Family Foundation found that
children from ages eight to 17 spend an average of nearly six and a half hours
a day engaged in media use, often using two or more forms of media at once (watching
TV and text messaging a friend, playing a video game and listening to an MP3
player, and so forth).
Eight- to 12-year old children are saturated with media of
all kinds, from music to television to the Internet to video games. Because they
are usually quite savvy about using media, it's easy to forget that the content
they are taking in may be overwhelming. When a tragedy such as the Virginia Tech
shootings takes place, children are exposed to a barrage of information from
all sides.
Elementary children are interested in information of all
kinds. At home and at school, they are exposed to facts about a whole range of
topics that touch their lives. But unlimited access to media may expose them
to both information and misinformation, leaving them vulnerable to feelings of
fear, anxiety and uncertainty. They need the help of parents, teachers and other
caring adults in evaluating the flood of information they are receiving and in
assessing their own feelings. In addition to the tips listed above, here are
some additional tips for helping older children deal with frightening situations.
Limit and monitor media exposure
If your child has a computer in his or her room, be extra
vigilant in monitoring Internet use. After any tragedy of the magnitude of the
recent shootings, cyberspace quickly fills with not only legitimate news accounts,
but also with rumors, speculation and downright strange postings. Be particularly
aware of the debates that may rage over the merits of gun ownership or gun control,
or the kinds of racist comments that may be posted in chat rooms about the shooter.
If there is a TV in your child's room, or if the TV is routinely
on for most of the family's waking hours, make a point of watching TV coverage
with your children. Be alert to questions a child has or comments he or she may
make. After watching ask: What do you think? What person did you see offering
help or assistance? Tell your children that Presbyterian Disaster Assistance
has people in Blacksburg to provide support and assistance, and that the churches
in that area are responding to the needs of those affected by the shootings.
If your child plays video games, double-check the content
of his or her favorites. Eight- to 10-year old boys spend more time gaming than
any other age group from eight to 17. Some games are quite violent, and the degree
of violence may not reveal itself until a player is deep into the game. Be sure
your child is not playing M-rated games. The content of some games mimics the
kind of horrific carnage that took place this week, and the data is overwhelming
that game violence adversely affects children. Children and Violent Video Games
is a helpful booklet available for download. 
Respond to the tragedy
Older elementary children not only need to identify the helpers
in this situation, they have a strong need to make a difference themselves. Talk
together about what they might do, such as send cards to the college campus or
to one of the Presbyterian churches in the area or pray for the families of those
who were shot. Now is also a good time to talk about the ways that make for peace
rather than violence. When has your child felt left out, angry or upset, and
how did he or she respond? What can we do to help children who are not safe from
violence, such as children who live in areas where gun violence abounds or in
war-torn parts of the world?
Because accounts of tragedies of the magnitude of Virginia
Tech are immediately available to our children, they may get the impression that
such events happen more frequently than they actually do. Talk with your children
about what happened. Try to uncover their fears. Assure them that those who care
about them will always do their best to ensure that they are safe. |
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